The Rules of Scotch

By popular request, here are the Rules of Scotch, as defined in Down From Ten. According to Carol in the book a good scotch:

1) Must be unpolluted (served neat–no water or ice)
2) It must be individualistic (single malt only–no blended scotch)
3) Must be bold (i.e. distinctive flavor character)
4) Must be as mature as you can possibly afford, and under no circumstances may it be aged fewer than 12 years.
5) Follow these rules, and you will never have an unpleasant experience, except through overindulgence.

Of course, in the book, the entire thing is couched in an elaborate and highly disturbing dirty joke which makes it much, much more memorable.

Stripped of the joke, though, they are a good guide for choosing good scotches in the absence of other evidence. More advanced Scotch drinkers know that there are some spectacular 10-years out there, but there are also some really awful ones. The same is true for blended scotch–some of them are wonderful, most are mediocre, and a few are god-awful. 12-years and up, single-malt with a good sense of itself is the most reliable way to go.

Enjoy!

Thanks to Puck Malmud for the prod on this one

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2 Comments

  1. Excellent and fortuitous timing, Dan. I am writing a character with a fondness for Scotch and I remembered this bit. I was just about to search through my Kindle edition of DF10 for the Rules, but figured you must have mentioned Scotch before here. To find this posted today? Joyous.

    You’ve probably mentioned it on pod somewhere, but do you have a go-to favorite Scotch?

  2. I do. My favorite is The Mcallan. The 12 year Sherry Oak is the go-to, the balance between what I like and what I can afford, and it’s really glorious. Close runners-up are Balvaine Doublewood 12 and Glenfiddich 18. When I’m feeling really indulgent, a Cask Strength Mcallan is wondrous. And there are so many I haven’t tried yet! One of these days, a pilgrimage to Scotland is surely in order.
    -Dan

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